2/22/2012

Moon Boot Memories - Class Picture Day

if you haven't read, Moon Boot Memories...  You probably should.  Or you'll be confused.  And that would be sad.  Don't be sad, Gentle Reader.  You can read all about my childhood trauma here.
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It doesn't often happen, Gentle Reader...

Usually, your memory of an event is bigger, more dramatic than how it actually was.  I was fully expecting to find my second grade class picture, and laugh because the boots weren't that bad.

But I was wrong.  It's worse, much worse than I remembered.  I remembered that traumatizing event through rose colored glasses, Gentle Reader.

Do you know what is worse to a second grade girl in 1985 than blue moon boots?  (That's right.  I said 1985.  Do the math.  I know.  Still foxy, right?)


Only one thing could make my story more lurid, my position more dire.  And that would be if my boots were not horribly ugly blue...  but...  gulp...  brown.


Brown.

Oh, sure.  Brown is great now.  I love brown boots.  I have two pairs in my closet right now.  I would love to have even more.  Light brown, dark brown, leather brown, suede brown.  Bring on the brown.  But we're not talking about thirty something, foxy, sophisticated, 2012 Mariah.  No.  We're talking about second grade, just wants to have pretty lavender boots, and a normal name, 1985 Mariah.  Lavender boots.  Not disgusting poop brown.  Poop and dirt.  Those are the two things that should be brown.  Not Left Foot and Right Foot.

See if you can find me.  Shouldn't be hard.  Just look for the girl in the ugly boots.  Oh, and the scratched out face.  That might help too...
Come on...  Brown???
The toes are all scuffed up!  I look terrible!  Just look at those ugly boots! No wonder I was scowling!  No wonder I had to scratch my face off!  Any other self respecting second grade girl would have done the same.
Oh, and by the way, the girl sitting right next to me?  Looking like an angel in glowing white?  With her impeccably puffy sleeves?  Her fashionable sandals over her white tights?  That's right.  Jamie.  Little Miss Perfect herself.  Her and her construction paper bunny making skills...  Sitting there so smug. Smiling.  It's disgusting.  Oooh!  Everybody look at my puffy sleeves!  Hey, did you know you can wear sandals with tights?  You can!  When you aren't wearing your fabulous lavender boots, that is!  Hey!  Anyone got any construction paper?  Wanna see a really fantastic looking bunny rabbit?


Disgusting.

Actually, I remember Jamie being a really nice girl.  Which just made me want to be her even more...  The best boots, the best bunnies, and really nice and beloved by all.  I was a nice enough girl too, don't get me wrong.  But I can't really remember if it was genuine or not...

I suspect that I just didn't know there was another option.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

HAHAHAHAHA!!! Oh, the disgust in your one scratched out eye. This is probably the best day of my life, seeing this post has made my day lol. I'm so glad we can laugh about your horrible childhood memories, susan. ;)

loooove,
baby sister.

Autumn Brown said...

I was feeling kinda crappy tonight having worn my brown slippers to church tonight. Nevertheless I feel much better now knowing that at least they weren't brown boots! Thanks for the laugh, love ya girl!

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