4/24/2012

The Bathroom Floor: A Tutorial

A lot of blogs have tutorials.  I haven't really done that, (well unless you count this one, where I just tell you how to be Supermom.  Easy as pie.) but I thought I'd give it a whirl.  So.  Here you go.  A very professional and information packed tutorial to teach you how to paint your bathroom floor.

Step 1.
Perhaps the most important step.  Because without step 1, there is no need for any following steps.  Flood your bathroom.  This step can be accomplished with amazing skill by any six year old boy you might happen to have around your house.  Any one will do.  The key is to really, I mean really flood it.  You know, totally destroyed.  Fill all of your drawers with two inches of standing water.
 Trash it real good...  So that all of the carpet needs to be taken out.  Cut your losses.
Step 2.
Live with it like that for about 6 months.  That's right, don't do a thing about it.  Mean to. Have the best intentions.  Actually go ahead and buy your supplies.  But don't lift a finger for at least six months.  That way, no matter what you do, or how badly you mess it up, you will think it looks great.  Because it's better than the crack house you've been showering in for the last six months.

 And if you happen to have a hole in your foundation, don't do anything.  Just be creeped out for a while.  Every morning.  For six months.  Totally grossed out.
 Step 3.
Finally, half of a calendar year later, get your act together and start.  Get the supplies out of the bathtub where you've been keeping them since October and get to work!  Woo-hoo!

Step 4.  Just follow the directions on the stuff you bought in October.  You should go ahead and read all of the directions again.  It's been a while.  You won't remember what to do.

Step 5.  Paint on a stencil.  What the heck.  Walk on the wild side.  Remember, there is no way it can possibly be worse than what you've been living with.  If you've carefully followed step 2, there is no way you will be disappointed.
Step 6.
Make this face.
The End.

You're Welcome.




1 comment:

StringGirl said...

HAHAHA!! Such a great tutorial, so true to life! Plus you left out all that superfluous info that's on all the packaging!!

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