4/05/2011

How to be a Super Mom

I know a little boy.

His name is Will.

I like him.

He turned 2 years old over the weekend.

Will really likes Super Grover.  (well.  who doesn't like Super Grover?)

So I decided to make him a Super Will cape and shirt.

Now, to make a Super Kid, it helps to be a Super Mom.

Luckily, I am a Super Mom.  So I was the perfect candidate to make a Super Kid.  (I would say Super Baby, but Will is 2 now, and that might be offensive to him.  He's a big boy now, after all.)

To be a Super Mom, one must utilize the three P's.

Planning.


Preparation.


Prodigious skill.


Luckily again, I happen to poess the three P's in abundance.  I will now share with you the easy steps in making a Super Kid.  All you need is the Three P's.


Step 1-  Plan what you are going to do.  For example.  "hmmm...  I plan to make a super hero cape."  There you go.

Step 2-  Draw a lightning bolt and a letter of your choice.  Preferably, the letter that begins the name of your intended super kid.  This does not require Prodigious Skill, that will come later.


Step 3-  Make Max cry.  This does not require Prodigious Skill either. In fact it is quite easy to do.


Step 4-  Make Max happy.  Again, not difficult.  Mostly.


Step 5-  Preparation.  Keep your super hero cape fabric somewhere random.  Somewhere that will make it really difficult to find.  That way, you can make your spouse crazy as you obsess over said fabric.  It's best if you don't find it the night before the party, but rather eat Girl Scout cookies on the couch while watching an HBO miniseries.  That way, you can ponder aloud the mysterious whereabouts of the super hero fabric while your husband is trying to watch TV.  That's fun and adds spice to your marriage.  Then go to bed without finding the super hero cape fabric so that you can sleep fitfully worrying about it.

Step 6-  The next morning Plan on finding the super hero cape fabric because you do not have a plan B, and if you don't make a Super Will costume you will arrive at a 2 year old's birthday party without a present, which is punishable by law.

Step 7-  Turn the house upside down looking for the super hero cape fabric.  It is important that you find just the right fabric, because this particular fabric will flow perfectly behind a two year old as they run.  And, more importantly, because your Prodigious Skill of making things us as you go and pulling things out of your keister has taught you that this particular fabric can be cut without needing to be hemmed.  This is invaluable, because you do not know how to work your sewing machine, and it takes you 30 minutes just to figure out how to thread the needle every time you need to use it.  So the non fraying fabric is a must.

Step 8-  Finally sneak into the room where Baby is napping and find the fabric wadded up in his closet.  Obviously.

Step 9-  Trace outline of cape with white fabric writing on pencil (I'm sure that is what it is called) and cut it out.


Step 10-  Paint lightning bolt and letter of your choice on cape.  But you had better hurry, you are running out of time.

Step 11-  Lay painted T-shirt and cape in the front yard and silently pray that the fabric paint will dry in time for the party.

Step 12-  With Prodigious Skill make yourself look presentable for public without a shower, because you have spent the entire morning looking for stupid non-fraying fabric that was wadded up and shoved in the top of a closet.

Step 13-  As you arrive at the party, second guess your shabby handmade gift.  Wish silently that you had bought Legos like a normal person.

Step 14-  Enjoy the party!


Step 15- Curse your foolish pregnant friend.  Who thought blue cupcakes were a good idea.




I mean, come on.


Yup.


Step 16-  Come to the party without a charged battery for your camera, so that your battery will die right in the middle of opening presents and you will never get a photo of your finished Super Will costume.

And that's it!  Easy as pie, in 16 easy to follow steps.

You too can be a Super Mom!!!

3 comments:

Damaris @Kitchen Corners said...

I just stumbled upon your blog and this post made me smile big. My son is just like Max, one minute he's happy the next not so much.

annie said...

You are MY kinda super mom!
Ask Mo Hall.....
Sounds ZACTLY like me.
Yep. It's pretty great:)

April Irvin said...

I had no idea I was a super mom until today! Thanks Mariah!
FYI This is so funny and I am so sorry I missed it when you first published it. LOve it truely I do!

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