12/16/2014

The Nutcracker Chronicles: The Year of the Naked-Bum Fairies





I have to confess. I think the sugarplum fairies are always my favorite. (shhh... don't tell the Russian Bakers or the Candy Cane Flutes. They don't know.)

The Sugarplum Fairies are just. so. dang. cute.


Every year they would come running onto the stage... white tights, little tulle tutus, tinsel in their hair... And I would have to choke back the sobs. I know it sounds ridiculous...


But they were just so... happy. Beaming. Proud. So confident and beautiful.


Seriously. Brought me to my knees every year. I get teary just thinking about it.


My friend Clara (funny, huh? Nutcracker story, my friend's name is Clara... yah. okay... anyway.) was assigned to be with the first and second grade girls backstage. That was a huge group of little girls for one person to be in charge of. So many tutus, bobby pins, halos... (Man. I need to send Clara a fruit basket or something.) Clara was in the music room with about seventy-five six and seven year old girls. (Oh my gosh. Clara gets two fruit baskets.) She looked up from securing a little halo into place...


And saw a sea of naked children. Leaping. Frolicking. Gallivanting. Showing no regard at all for the social boundaries that keep most citizens clothed.


"Put your clothes back on!" Clara shrieked in horror. Stunned. Dismayed.


"Miss Spradlin told us to! Miss Spradlin told us to! Wheeee!"


Of course, Clara thought they were nothing but a bunch of twisted little liars. Naturally she did. Who on earth would tell seventy-five little girls to run around naked at school?


Ummmm....


When I saw Clara later that afternoon, she relayed what had happened during dress rehearsal. "They told me you told them to! Can you believe that?"


Ummmmmm....

Then when I dropped into the office... and the Principal asked me to step into her office... gulp. Nothing good can ever follow the words, "then I got called into the Principal's office."

"Ma-riah." Judy said to me, in a tone that said clearly, "I can't believe I have to even say this to you". She looked at me over the rims of her glasses with exasperation. "You cannot tell little girls to take their panties off at school."

Ummmmmmm....

Well, dang. When you say it like that...

"Those little girls were just throwing their panties everywhere! Clara couldn't figure out which pair belonged to which girl. She's certain that some girls did not go home in the same panties they came to school in." Judy shook her head sightly at the thought of children returning home from a day at school wearing someone elses underwear.

Ummmmm....

And now is the segment of So Many Joyful Noises I like to call, Mariah Tries to Defend her Crazy Self.

So here's the thing.

My wonderful little school. Was a lovely study in diversity. We had beautiful little girls and boys with carroty tops and freckles peppered across their noses. We had gorgeous children of mixed race with great, wide hazel eyes and light mocha skin. We had little girls and boys whose skin was obsidian black, so dark they almost shone. With great big, dark pools for eyes, framed by curly, inky lashes. Beautiful, beautiful children.


But...


When a girl with a dark complexion wears a pair of white tights... You can very easily see her Barbie Princess panties.


I just didn't want the girls to be embarrassed! I didn't want their underwear showing for everyone and their mother, okay??!! Do you know how HARD it is to be a little girl these days? Huh? Do ya? It's hard enough without taunts of, "I saw your Barbie panties! I saw your Barbie panties!" following you throughout your entire school career. One wrong move can devastate a kid's cool factor you know. Annihilate. Destroy. Kill. I didn't want to be the one to blame for little Sally having to drop out of school in the 5th grade because everyone in town had seen her underwear.


In hindsight, yes. I can see that it maybe wasn't the wisest thing I ever did. It was perhaps... imprudent to encouraging all of the girls in my school to ditch their nickers, I'll admit it. I am also quite sorry, because Clara told me that there were many naked little girl bums in my chair. ewwwww...


But honestly, I did it with their best interests at heart.


And that would be the tag line to my story on the ten o'clock news while they showed my mugshot. Yah. I know.


There's a mistake you don't make twice.

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