Dear Teenage Max...

Dear Teenage Max,

You are like walking sunshine.  I can't help but smile when you are around.  You fill a hole in my heart that I never knew was there.  You make our family a beautiful place to be.

But that isn't why I'm writing to you today.  No.  I am writing to Teenage Max, and to all of your friends.  I want your girlfriend to read this.  Your buddies on the swim team.  Or the chess club.  Or your garage band.  Or whoever it is that you think is much cooler than your parents these days.  I want them all to know.

That you are very sweet.

And that you wet your pants.  A whole lot.  Like, every day.

Every.  gosh.  darn.  day.

Have you been getting in trouble?  Oh, boy howdy.  Yes you have.  Because here's the thing.  You don't have to wet your pants.  You are, in fact, potty trained.  Have been for a long time.  You're just too busy playing dragons to go to the bathroom.  And then you try to get out of it somehow.  Seriously.  The other day...

I am not making this up.  You actually tried to pull this one on me.  

After peeing in your pants...  AGAIN.

You said to me...

Well...  You see...  The Big Bad Wolf.  He was chasing me.  He was trying to get me.  And so I had to go potty on him.  But then, wait a minute!  That won't work.  So I guess I just have to fight him.

Yes.

That's right.  You tried to convince me that you only peed in your pants to save us all from certain destruction.  You saved the day by whizzing on the Big Bad Wolf.

Thank you.  Thank you, Teenage Max.  If it weren't for you and your super pee-pee powers, we wouldn't be here today.  You are my hero.