Full Heart

We've been having some pretty rough nights around here.  Like, throwback to the first weeks of tiny newborn rough nights.  And this morning, man oh man.  Cranky.  Hardcore.  "I need my crackers!  No, not there!  I need my crackers, here!  I need juice I need juice!  I need a paper towel!  Paper towel!  I need to be in the chair!  Get me down, get me down!  I need milks, I neeeed milks!  No!  Not milks!  Oh no, my canteen!  Waaaaaa!"  Seriously.  Right now.  Crying.  Crying, crying, crying.  Why?  No idea.

Thankfully, they are usually crazypants one at a time.  Once in a while they try to tag team me, and then my head explodes.

But I'm not writing this morning to complain.

I'm not!


For reals.

Earlier this morning when I was sneaking out of Harry's room (I had to check on him, it was so strange that he was actually sleeping), being drug by the hand by Lucas who had just woken me up after strict instructions from Daddy to, "Let Mommy sleep", downstairs to Captain Cries-a-lot...

My heart was surprisingly light.  I just keep thinking about how amazingly blessed I am.  I have so much, so much more than I deserve.  These little boys...  I don't want to take one breath they breathe for granted.  I want to close my eyes and bathe in every laugh.  Wade in up to my neck in every smile, every  sideways glance, even every sleepless night.

I've been thinking today about the many mothers who are mothers in their heart only, whose arms ache for babies they never knew.  Mothers who mourn their little ones who were only here for a few days, or who never made it here at all.

I am so, inexpressibly thankful for my boys.  Every moment, every frustration. Every breath.  Every song, every tantrum, every tear, every song.   Every precious heartbeat.

I know I don't have my act together.  I'm a walking disaster on a good day.  I'm messy, disorganized, sensitive, and more than a little crazy.  But I know when I'm blessed.  I have eyes to see all of the good in my life.  I'm pretty thankful for that too.